Caring for someone with a mental health problem

Ashleay: Hello and welcome to the “In Your Interest!” podcast. My name is Ashleay and today we're joined by Jennifer Boudreau, Senior Education Strategist. October 10^th, Mental Health Day, is fast approaching, and that's the subject we'll be tackling in this episode. Taking care of a loved one with mental health problems is not always easy, especially since we tend to forget that to properly help someone who is suffering, it's essential to take good care of ourselves. So, Jennifer will take stock of the situation. So, welcome Jennifer!

Jennifer: Thank you. Welcome, Ashleay!

Ashleay: And first of all, Jennifer, are mental health issues widespread in the population?

Jennifer: It is a problem. According to Stats Canada, in 2022, more than 5 million Canadians aged 15 and over met the diagnostic criteria for mental health disorder. This can be things like mood disorders, anxiety disorders and even addictive disorders. In fact, in 2012, ten years ago, we already knew that over a third, 35%, of people who had a family member with a mental problem had said that this person's mental problem had a direct effect on their life. So really, wherever you go, there's a very strong possibility that you or someone you know is affected by this issue.

Ashleay: And what exactly are we talking about when we talk about mental health problems? I mean, there must be situations that require a helping relationship and that have a major impact on the caregiver?

Jennifer: Absolutely. So according to the WHO, the World Health Organization, a mental health problem is where we have a change in our cognitive state, emotional regulation or behaviour. This usually results in distress or difficulty functioning on a day-to-day basis, but it can be more specific than that. In layman's terms, this really can mean anybody that's close to you—it can mean a friend, a loved one, a coworker, anybody that has a mental health problem, but it could also be somebody who's in good health, but who's going through a very difficult time, such as a separation, bereavement, or just like a major situation at work. It can also be someone who's close to you that has received a very important diagnosis that they may not have been expecting. This can generate a whole range of emotions from things like fear, worry, anxiety, grief. All of these emotions are normal for them to be living through. What we can do in terms of playing a role as a support person is really important in helping that person going through the situation. We can offer care, emotional support that can help them with their recovery and overall wellbeing. Also something that we can bring to them in practical terms is day-to-day help, which is just as important as just being present.

Ashleay: And helping someone close to you means a lot of responsibility. Can you enumerate a few items?

Jennifer: Absolutely. This can be an important role. It can mean helping them going through their situation. It can mean offering care. It can be just emotional support, whatever they need with recovery and their overall wellbeing. It can also be helping them with more practical day-to-day things to just take some of the stress off of their shoulders. This is also very important.

Ashleay:  Right. Because most people work full time, this adds to that and there are other personal and professional responsibilities, so we risk overload.

Jennifer: Exactly. The job of someone helping is really not to take on the role of diagnosis, even if it's something that you may have already gone through. It's really about making them the centre, and it's really about helping them and guiding them to the right resources in addition to offering your support and your guidance. It's important to, you know, when we look at the situation, get informed, read up about what their subject is and not necessarily make assumptions so you can really better understand what they're going through, what they're essentially suffering through. It's also really important to have a positive attitude coming to them with empathy, patience, support, even though sometimes it may feel like that's kind of going nowhere. Just being present with those positive attributes is really helpful. Also, expressing yourself positively, sharing what your concerns are with their situation, explaining how you feel rather than telling that person what they should be doing. That can be, you know, condescending and it can take away from what they feel is really empowering. And obviously encouraging that person to seek professional help.

Ashleay: And we often overlook the impact that the helping relationship can have on the caregiver. And yet it’s far from negligible, right?

Jennifer: Absolutely. So, helping a loved one can really be a challenge. Most people who get help from a loved one with a mental health problem work full time, as we said, which adds on to their daily responsibilities. If you already have a full-time job, don't make this your second full-time job. It can really add to the risk of being overloaded. Helping a loved one can be very demanding. The stress, for one, can very quickly manifest itself. Especially if it's left unmanaged, it can cause problems. Just to help you with your day-to-day tasks like sleeping, just regular aches and pains, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, you don't want to let these things get out of hand. Taking care of yourself is absolutely essential. It's like the safety instructions on an airplane. We've all heard them a million times. You need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help others. If you're not breathing properly, then you're not really helping. That's really the basic thing there.

Ashleay: Absolutely.

Jennifer: You know, the desire to help somebody really can't override your own personal needs and limitations. Otherwise, you're not actually being an effective help. You're almost becoming a weight, an extra thing for them to take care of. You're there to help them, to take care of them. It's also important to realize that helping someone can give rise to all kinds of emotions. And sometimes those emotions are more negative than we would like. Things like, feeling guilty because you also still have a life through everything. You may be impatient because maybe for you it's clear what's going on, but they're still not taking your advice. Getting discouraged by things not working out, or just being overly worried. If being worried helped us in any way then we all would be more worried about a lot of things, but oftentimes just being worried doesn't help the situation. So don't be worried about things that we can't control, really. It's important to absolutely accept this. It allows us to confront these feelings and understand their impacts and most importantly, our behaviour and the ones of the person being helped.

Ashleay: And how can I help myself?

Jennifer: So here it's really important to have strategies. I'm not a strategist for no reason. So, it's important to manage our own wellbeing as we said. So, setting limits, understanding even just what those limits are. Learning to say no. It can be tempting to always say yes, but there's times where we have to say: “No. This doesn't belong to me.” Asking for help. Even though you're there to be the helper, you yourself can still ask for help. These are all actions that caregivers who play a role, it's important for them to remember these things so as not to burn themselves out. You know, sharing your feelings without guilt, it can be a relief, and it can allow them to share their honest feelings as well. Maintaining a mental and physical balance. So, if before you used to go to the gym or you used to have a physical routine, and now you've let that go, that's going to affect how well you can perform in your day-to-day tasks as well as as a caregiver. Dealing with one problem at a time. We can't solve everything at once. I often like to write things down. It lets us sort of take it off of our mind and put it on paper. And again, respecting your limits. You know, Rome wasn't built in a day. You can't solve everything at once.

Ashleay: And all this kind of brings us to resilience, which is essential for caregivers. Can we cultivate it? Can it be learned?

Jennifer: I think resilience is really the ability, if we define it, to cope with adversity and hold on when things go wrong–or not the way you want it–and adapt to changes when they occur. You can't be your best every day. Nobody can. So, if today what you can give is 10% and you gave 10%, then you gave 100% that day and you should be fine with that. I think being resilient also means, first and foremost, being flexible. You have to accept the situation, let go of what you can't do, above all, and get to know yourself and recognize your limits. You know, the person that you're helping is counting on that resilience. They're counting on your strength to a certain extent. And there's four important aspects I think we can really address when we want to talk about resilience and where we can focus. So, things like relationship skills. Again, positive thinking. We've already said it a few times just in our conversation today, but positive thinking has a lot to do with it. Sharing your empathy. Problem solving. Fun. Just because things are heavy, you know, you can put it down sometimes and have a little bit of fun. Emotional skills. Learning how to calm down, controlling your anger, not deciding anything when you're really upset or really angry. It's really not the best time. Sleep on it, you know. Thinking skills. Trying to understand problems before solving them. You know, this is again writing down things on a piece of paper. It takes them off of your mind, and it allows you to see them from a little bit of perspective. And finally, things like optimism, keeping hope alive. You know, we've seen this many times. Positive attitudes, enjoying the little things and just being there to have a supportive network there, these are really things that can definitely help us out.

Ashleay: And in closing, what is one piece of advice that you'd like to give to people supporting a loved one dealing with a mental health issue?

Jennifer: If you're in this situation, you really need to pay attention to the signs of exhaustion and do not hesitate to seek help for yourself. For example, you could join a support group where you can talk about all the experiences to other people who understand what you're going through as a supporter. To find local support groups, you can contact your local community mental health organizations such as the Canadian Mental Health Association, CMHA. Don't forget the 811 helpline. They can also help you with guiding you towards resources and getting the right information. There's also your employee and family assistance program through work. Oftentimes, there's great resources there for you to rely on.

Ashleay: Well that concludes today's episode. Thank you so much, Jennifer, for coming to talk to us about mental health. It's important to know how to help your loved ones and yourself in difficult times. And it's by talking that we can make a difference in the lives of others. So, a big thank you to all our listeners as well. Don't hesitate to write to us if you have any questions, and in the meantime, we'll talk again next week. Loved this podcast? Want to know more about economic news? Follow our “In Your Interest!” podcast, available on all platforms, visit the economic news page on ia.ca or follow us on social media.