Five tips for a smooth return to work after parental leave
Many parents wonder if they’ll be able to work effectively while caring for a baby who depends on them for… well, everything. Or how they’ll manage to bear the mental load of family life while keeping on top of their work. Or if they’ll ever have time for themselves or their relationship again.
Don’t panic! This is normal.
Follow this advice and find your zen again.
Tip 1: Can’t wait to go back to work? Don’t feel guilty!
You don’t often hear a new parent say: “I can’t wait to go back to work!” Many, however, really do want to get back on the job, even if just to:
- See their colleagues—i.e., adults—again (after months of hearing little more than goo-goos and ga-gas, some parents might want a little more stimulation)
- Get recognition (baby likely doesn’t thank you for changing their diaper and definitely won’t be writing you a glowing performance review any time soon)
- Get out of the house (as lovely as it may be, remaining cooped up at home every day might not be for you)
- Find some balance (comforting a crying baby every two or so hours is one—very demanding—form of balance…)
- Do what you’re passionate about (sure, parent and baby yoga or making homemade baby food can be fun, but is it your passion?)
Tip 2: Express your needs
Good communication in a couple is no simple task, and it can be even more challenging as your family begins to grow. But it’s essential and is often what allows you to keep your head above water or simply to feel that you’re not the only person whose needs are currently going unfulfilled.
For example, if a lack of organization is cranking up the pressure of household chores, tell your partner and discuss how they can help ease your mind.
Maybe what you need is a chore chart to effectively allocate the tasks? Or perhaps you need to write a list to make sure nothing is overlooked? Talk about it, and above all don’t forget to remind your partner to express their needs as well. This will help facilitate communication and lay the groundwork for constructive conversations that will benefit the entire family.
Tip 3: Accept that your life will never be what it once was
Having a child changes things… many things.
For you, this might mean having to ask for help to get everything done. For others, it could mean working less, rearranging their schedule or making a gradual return to work.
Some parents even get the feeling that they’re out of step with those of their colleagues who don’t have children or that they’ve lost their freedom (gone are the days of the impromptu happy hour!).
The secret? Just accept that things are different now. Certain aspects of your life will inevitably change when you become a parent.
Before becoming a mother, Emma would leave work at around 5 o’clock and, on her way home, stop by the grocery store to buy fresh ingredients for dinner, which she would improvise.
Since being back from maternity leave, Emma’s been doing her grocery shopping on the weekend, leaving work at 4:30 (she works 30 minutes over lunch to make up for it) and goes straight home after work—so she can spend more time with her daughter.
Obviously, she’s had to plan her meals in advance more often, but that way she can fully appreciate the extra time she gets to spend with her family. What’s more, knowing what they’ll be eating for dinner is one less thing to think about each day.
Tip 4: Surround yourself with the right people
If you’ve just had a baby, surrounding yourself with the right people will create a judgment-free safe space in which you can feel free to open up or ask for help and advice. Whether you choose family members, trusted colleagues, friends, specialists or community groups, these people are there to listen to you, help you decompress, give you tips or even take care of your baby, when needed.
As a new dad, Jonathan felt completely overwhelmed three weeks after returning to work. He felt like he was everywhere and nowhere all at once, like he could only ever partially complete his tasks—both at the office and at home.
One day at the park, as their kids were playing, his neighbour Derek told him that he’d gone through the exact same thing just a few months earlier. Jonathan felt understood.
The two quickly went from being friendly neighbours to buddies to confidants, and being able to speak openly to someone, without holding back, really helped Jonathan feel less alone. He even felt supported.
Tip 5: Accept imperfection
Are you one of those parents who thinks they can pick up right where they left off at work a few months ago, as if nothing had happened? Well, you’re wrong. It won’t be long before you realize just how tired you are or how much mental strain has been building up over the past few months. Or, back at work, you may experience performance anxiety or find that you’re comparing yourself to others.
Seeing photos of perfect parents all over your social media feed doesn’t help. You may come to suffer from physical or mental exhaustion due to your ostensible inability to meet external demands—not to mention what you demand of yourself.
Know that it’s totally normal to feel this way and there’s no such thing as perfection. One thing’s for sure: nobody, not even your baby, expects it of you, and you shouldn’t either.
Your company may offer various tools and services to improve your wellbeing, such as an employee assistance program, physical and mental health content, etc. Look into it! It could really help!